quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
