where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
