btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
