This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
