I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
