Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
