Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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