you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
