if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
