is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
