3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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