i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
