Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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