So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Randomize
