Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
