I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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