she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he thought i was a dude.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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