if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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