We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize