There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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