Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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