Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He felt like a one man threesome
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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