I will die if light touches me.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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