Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
