Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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