ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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