I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
