i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
