And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
