Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You ruined the universe
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
