Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
