Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize