I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
