seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
