Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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