Your tits are I can't wait for
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
