Swine flu. Run for my life!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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