I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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