she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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