She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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