tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
