'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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