I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
