I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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