You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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