I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
