i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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