I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize