that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
