My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
