Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
