we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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