The maid of honor just puked.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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