He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
