I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
