I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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