just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
