umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize