I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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