what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
