dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
