Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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