Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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