why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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