I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
