Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
