On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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