I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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