I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm at about main and main street
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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